I was thinking about a lyric from Joni Mitchell's "My Old Man":
We don't need no piece of paper from the city hall keeping us tied and true...
And how Krista and I knew we wanted to share our lives together since summer of 1991. But as we did not like being apart and wanted to be able to share living quarters when visiting our respective parents, we ultimately relented got engaged summer of 1992, (The benefit of Tax incentive by being officially recognized by the State kind of made sense too.) We finally had our ceremony and signed our piece of paper on October 2nd, 1993. We had a rather simple wedding of our own design to reflect our Love. Yet we received push back from certain relatives that 1) because Krista didn't wear white, 2) because she didn't take my last name, 3) because a certain deity wasn't mentioned --- we weren't really married.
Their concern was not ours, Those particular traditions do not resonate with us.
We know that True Love transcends any human realization of the divine. We married in the open, in Nature-- if it rained: we'd get wet; if it got cold, we'd shiver..but we would adapt and move forward -- We ultimately got married for us. We chose music and harmony for expression of our souls among Nature and texts which reflected our spirit as Best Friends, Equal Partners, and Lovers.
A short 27 minute ceremony so that our friends could meet new people, talk and eat. This is also why the memorial for Krista only included my words, and lots of chorale music. And more time to gather, listen and take genuine interest in each other. Words get in the way of Meaning.
Living that truth these past 26 years has always been more important that either that piece of paper or an elaborate showy wedding where more effort is put into the ceremony, the price of rings, and the reception than the union itself.
|Sandstrom-McGuire Love Knot |
tattooed over our hearts
Throughout our marriage, our parenting and now in Krista's death, we carry on. We have a lot of really really good friends and family who maintain their Faith traditions - We recognize their expressions of goodwill, through acts, hugs, and listening... are Genuine and strengthened by their beliefs. We may not necessarily agree with the particular interpretations, but we do recognize the difference between expressions conducted for social mileage and those acts which stem from positive intent and expression of their Love for us.
As Cicero put it - (reading from our wedding)
"Virtue, I say, both creates the bond of friendship and preserves it. For in Virtue is complete harmony, in her is permanence, in her is fidelity; and when she has raised her head and shown her own light and has seen and recognized the same light in another, she moves towards it and in turn receives its beams; as a result love or friendship leaps into flame; for both words are derived from a word meaning “to love.” But love is nothing other than the great esteem and affection felt for him who inspires that sentiment, and it is not sought because of material need or for the sake of material gain. Nevertheless even this blossoms forth from friendship, although you did not make it your aim."
-- Though I will add to Cicero, in our experience, Love is so much more than "great esteem and affection felt" - - where words lack, music expresses
Sandstrom-McGuire Wedding October 2, 1993
Memorial for Krista Lynn Sandstrom
June 9, 2017